You Don't Need to Be "Good at Business"
The lies of perfectionism that keep you stuck, and how to start anyways.
“I don’t feel like I’m good at business”.
One of my clients shared this in a recent session as she was working to grow her visibility.
She had an idea to share about her business with some local shop owners. Her goal was to visit these stores in person, business card in hand and ask to display her flyers.
There was a clear inspired action she wanted to take, but she kept putting it off.
Every time she thought about getting in her car and driving to the store, a feeling of discomfort overwhelmed her.
The somatic approach to resistance
We investigated this discomfort somatically. I asked her:
Where do you feel the discomfort physically in your body? What is this discomfort saying?
It says “I don’t feel like I’m good at business.”
But then, she immediately jumped in with her logical mind.
The part of her that has read the personal growth books and follows the female entrepreneur accounts on IG.
Her logical mind said:
“I know that’s ridiculous. It’s ok if I’m not good at business yet. I’m just starting out. I know I can get better and improve.”
But I wasn’t interested in hearing from her conscious mind, because clearly there were other influences at play.
The mind logically “get’s it”, but the body is still scared.
Currently, her conscious mind wasn’t running the show. If it was, she wouldn’t be struggling with procrastination.
If her conscious mind was in charge, it would be so simple for her to march right into her local store and ask about a collaboration.
The conscious mind wasn’t in charge. It was the subconscious mind running the show.
So we directed our line of questioning specifically to THAT part of her. The part of her that said
“ I don’t feel like I’m good at business”.
I asked that part of her:
So let’s say you aren’t good at business, what makes that a problem?
She said.
“Well, I don’t want to mess it up”.
I asked her:
“And what would happen if you did?”
The mechanics of perfectionism
That’s when we got to the heart of it. We connected to the part of her that was so terrified of making a mistake, it preferred paralysis over action.
We came face to face with her perfectionism. But, it’s actually not HER perfectionism. It’s just perfectionism. Because, while each person has a slightly different brand of how perfectionism presents, the inner workings are all essentially the same.
And when we depersonalize it. When we say “perfectionism”, instead of “her perfectionism” we start to disarm it a little bit.
So let’s peel back the hood and take a good look at the mechanism of perfectionism.
Perfectionism has a fixed mindset.
It says we all have a certain hand of cards that we are dealt. This hand of cards determines our abilities.
Our intelligence. Our resilience. Our creativity. Our charisma.
And ultimately it determines how successful we will be.
It says there are certain things we are good at and certain things we are not good at.
If we are not good at something, it means we haven’t been dealt that card and should discontinue said thing immediately.
If we pick up a surfboard and can’t immediately pop up. We are not good at surfing. We should hang up our wetsuit.
If we sing into a microphone and our voice cracks on a high note- we are not good at singing. We can say goodbye to our dreams of being the next Taylor Swift.
Perfectionism is afraid to try new things
Every new endeavor we try is actually a test in disguise. Something that could reveal if we have that ability or not.
In fact, trying new things is one of the riskiest things we could do. We don’t want our deficiencies or lack of abilities to be revealed.
It’s safer to stick to what we already know we are good at. That way we don’t risk the humiliation of being bad at something. (That would be a nightmare)
Because also, we aren’t supposed to be bad at anything.
Perfectionism is drowning in shame
Perfectionism wants to create the illusion of flawless proficiency, because internally perfectionism is drowning in shame.
Shame that says:
“I have some flaw inside of me. A flaw that could make me unworthy of love and belonging. My work is to make sure no one ever sees this flaw. Because if it’s revealed, it’s game over. I could fall from grace. If people knew this thing, I could become unredeemable in their eyes. “
Perfectionism lives in holy terror of the flaw being found out and then experiencing the pain of separation.
So perfectionism would prefer that you stick to what you know you are good at, thank you very much.
Building a business with the e-brake on
Perfectionism doesn’t want you to risk it all by trying something new and being bad at at.
Perfectionism wants to plan and think and prepare as much as possible to avoid mistakes.
Perfectionism would prefer you keep your business ideas and hopes and dreams in your mind- where they are safer.
Building a business with perfectionism feels like driving with the e-brake on.
There is this constant force of friction that makes forward momentum slower and more effortful than it needs to be.
What I Want Your Perfectionism to Know
I know this struggle intimately, because I’ve experienced it every day since starting a business.
So I’ll tell you what I said to my client (and what I say to myself regularly.)
There is no fatal flaw inside of you.
There is nothing about you that could be revealed that could make you unredeemable. There is nothing you could do or fail to do that could make you unworthy of love and belonging.
Shame is a scam. A scam that convinces us
we need to perform and prove our way to belonging
the love and acceptance we experience is hanging by a fragile thread
at any moment someone could notice the flaw inside of us and everything could collapse.
None of it is true. None of it is real.
The Truth, according to Hafiz
There’s a poem I’ve been reading recently from Hafiz that helps me remember that shame is a complete scam.
Stay With Us:
You
Leave
Our company when you speak
Of shame
And this makes
Everyone in the Tavern sad.
Stay with us
As we do the hardest work of rarely
Laying down
That pick and Shovel
That will keep
Revealing our deeper kinship
With God,
That will keep revealing
Our own divine Worth.
You leave the company of the Beloved’s friends
Whenever you speak of
Guilt,
And this makes
Everyone in the Tavern
Very sad.
Stay with us tonight
As we weave love
And reveal ourselves,
Reveal ourselves
As His precious Garments.
If you’ve been sitting with the voice perfectionism. So afraid to make a mistake that it becomes paralyzed, consider this your invitation back to the tavern.
You’re already beloved. You’re already enough.
You Don’t Need to Be Good at Business. You Just Need to Be Willing to Start
So if you are reading this and can relate to that thought: “I don’t feel like I’m good at business”
Here’s what I want you to know:
That voice isn’t the truth. It’s the echo of perfectionism haunting you.
Because the truth is you don’t need to be “good at business.”
You just need to be willing to start.
Willing to take action even if you don’t have a full plan.
Willing to be seen as a work in progress.
Willing to get better over time.
Willing to trust that when you let go of the need to be perceived as flawless, that’s when your impact can really being.
Because building a business isn’t about proving you're already good at it.
It’s about showing up and getting better everyday.
Shame has no place on your entrepreneurial journey.
You can stay in the tavern
You can let yourself be seen in progress
You already belong here.