you have a good life. things are good and you are grateful AF.
and yet, there’s this nagging feeling you can’t quite shake that there’s something more for you.
more money. more love. more friends. more joy. more rest. more reach. more impact
and most of the time, you can talk yourself off the ledge.
you remind yourself that you don’t need more money or more success. you don’t need more freedom. or to do the big thing you’re dreaming about. your life is already good.
shouldn’t you just learn how to be satisfied with what you have?
it really helps when you start thinking about what “going after more” might cost you.
because when you imagine a bigger business, you imagine being busier.
when you imagine more success, you imagine burnout.
when you imagine doing something you’re deeply passionate about, you start worrying about financial stability.
you don’t want to end up busy, broke or burnt out.
and you arrive at the very reasonable conclusion: life is fine the way it is. more or bigger… doesn’t mean better.
but then, sometimes your untapped potential becomes acutely painful
the discomfort of untapped potential…
every so often, something happens that makes the gap between the life you have and the life that is calling you impossible to ignore.
an opportunity comes up that you really want to say yes to... but you have to say not because you can’t afford it. and you hate that feeling.
you don’t want money to be the reason you say no to things.
or maybe you meet someone who is a giant expander for you.
they’re living bigger. freer. more joyfully. doing something (effortlessly) that you’ve spent years telling yourself isn’t realistic.
and suddenly, all those limiting stories you’ve been telling yourself become a little harder to believe. because the way they are living is essentially dangling your unexpressed potential right in front of your face.
or maybe you have an experience like one of my clients recently did. she went to a creative retreat and enjoyed it, but at the end she had this realization:
i could have done that.
the person hosting it didn’t have any more qualifications or skills than she did. the difference was simply that this person had gone for it. she hosted the retreat.
those are the moments when it’s harder to sideline your desires.
it’s harder to squeeze your ideas and passion projects into whatever leftover spaces you can find.
it’s harder to keep perpetually delaying action. eventually, you have to admit: i want this. i want to do more. have more. be more. create more. give more. rest more.
and i want to do it without ending up burnt out.without packing my calendar. without being busy all the time. without becoming financially unstable.
but is that even possible?
why you need to become diabolical
how can you pursue more without it costing you more?
my current answer?
you become diabolical. but let me explain what i mean by that…
earlier this year, i went pretty deep into learning about some of the political things happening, the epstein files, the billionaire class, the way certain groups fund and influence politicians.
i was reading a lot. listening to podcasts. going down rabbit holes.and some of what i was learning was rocking my world.
there were situations where it seemed like these people were thinking 25 steps ahead. there was coordination. plotting. strategy. puppet-mastery.
and the word that kept coming to me was… this is straight-up diabolical.
i did not approve of what they were doing. it was clearly causing harm. but i could recognize something about how they were doing it.
the cunningness. the ingenuity. the strategy. the orchestration.
it was undoubtedly evil. but it was also genius.
it reminded me of the scene in harry potter when ollivander gives harry his wand. the wand is made from the tail feather of the same Phoenix as voldemort’s wand.
olivander says:
”I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter.... After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things- terrible, yes, but great.”
terrible. but great.
evil. but genius.
so i started wondering:
is there a way to channel evil genius for good?
can you be diabolical for good?
to be clear, this doesn’t mean that you achieve good by any means necessary.
it doesn’t mean you do horrible things but it doesn’t count because your heart is in the right place.
no. that’s not what we are talking about here.
its more like:
what if we elevated our game?
because it feels like the people who are up to no good are ten steps ahead. they’re playing chess. and we’re over here playing tic-tac-toe wondering why the world is going to hell.
what if some qualities we’ve labeled “bad” aren’t inherently bad?
this became the question i couldn’t stop thinking about:
what if we can channel certain traits that we’ve been taught are “bad”, but aren’t inherently evil, and use them to do good?
and as i’ve explored this idea, i had a surprising realization.
the need to be seen as a good person, might be the exact thing preventing us from feeling good and doing good.
and learning to use some of the qualities we’ve been taught are “evil” is actually necessary for doing good in a way that doesn’t leave us depleted.
diabolical enters the chat
when i looked it up, basically every definition of diabolical was “bad”, “evil” or “of the devil”
but then i started getting curious about… what does “the devil” represent. what characteristics have historically been associated with the devil? and who decided those characteristics were inherently evil? (i can nerd out pretty hard on some etymology)
religion has played a massive role in how many cultures have constructed ideas about morality. what is right and wrong, good and evil.
so using examples of “the devil” in the bible- i started deconstructing the true meaning of diabolical.
one example most people know is the story of adam and eve, where the role of “the devil” is played by the serpent.
in genesis, the serpent approaches eve in the garden of eden and ultimately gets her to “disobey” god by eating fruit from a forbidden tree.
when i looked specifically at the characteristics being demonstrated, i saw three things.
1. the serpent is cunning and strategic af
there’s craftiness. cunningness. psychological leverage. the serpent has an agenda-and figures out how to get eve to willingly advance his agenda.
in this story, the strategy is being deployed through manipulation an deception.
but strategy and influence aren’t inherently evil. we can use sophisticated coordination for good.
the anti-ICE efforts in minnesota are a great example of this. from what i saw, there was a wildly coordinated effort. there were groups communicating with each other, symbols and codes, people watching what was happening and activating networks.
there was strategy. coordination. subversion. people working together. thinking ahead. because they care about helping their neighbors.
being strategic and. cunning isn’t inherently evil.
2. the serpent questions.
“did god really say that?”
the serpent challenges the absolute nature of god’s authority. he questions the premise that eve has been blindly accepting. is that actually true? how do you know?
within the biblical story, this questioning is being used as part of the manipulation. so it’s not great.
but questioning authority isn’t inherently evil. journalists do it. thought leaders do it. people who expose injustice do it.
they look at the accepted explanation and ask: is this really true? they look at authority figures with skepticism and ask… what biases or ulterior motives are at play here?
they don’t blindly accept things. they think for themselves.
3. the serpent appeals to desire.
the serpent essentially offers eve a new possibility.
what if you could have more? what if you could eat the fruit and be as knowledgable as god.
what if the restriction you’ve accepted isn’t the only possibility available to you?
this is what visionaries and activists and civil rights leaders do.
they can see a possibility beyond current reality and invite other people to see it too. almost every movement toward meaningful change begins there. someone looks at what currently exists and says:
it have to be the way it is. there are new possibilities we can imagine. we can have more.
martin luther king jr.’s “i have a dream” speech is an obvious example.
it’s an appeal to a collective desire for something different. something better. something that doesn’t exist yet.
and suddenly, this whole idea started to have legs.
strategy isn’t inherently evil.
questioning isn’t inherently evil.
desire isn’t inherently evil.
the same characteristic can create radically different outcomes depending on how we use it.
diabolical doesn’t have to mean evil.
because here’s the problem with being a “good person”
most people in my world want two things.
you want to do good.
make an impact. help people. leave the world better than you found it. have a positive, uplifting influence.
and you also want to feel good.
you want energy. time. freedom. money. rest. space to enjoy your life. you don’t want to spend your entire existence in survival mode.
but those two things feel incompatible. like it’s impossible to have both at same time.
and i think i’ve finally figured out why….
good vs diabolical
it is really hard to FEEL good and DO good when you also need people to see you as a good person. when you are still still operating from your good girl conditioining.
or what i’ve started calling:
good girl OS.
i’ve distilled it down to six primary characteristics. so lets break down what it looks like to be GOOD vs DIABOLICAL.
1. obedient vs challenging
we’ve been taught that GOOD means being obedient. following the rules. trusting authority. doing what’s expected of you.
becoming diabolical means challenging the status quo. asking questions like who says? according to whom? is that actually true?
you stop assuming that something is correct simply because it’s the way things have always been done. you search for your own truth.
2. agreeable vs honest
we’ve been taught that GOOD means being agreeable.
keeping the peace. avoiding conflict.not rocking the boat.
vs.
becoming diabolical means being ruthlessly honest.
being willing to rock the boat if the boat needs a-rockin’. to have difficult conversations. to lean into conflict instead of maintaining fake peace while turmoil exists underneath the surface.
3. likeable vs authentic
we’ve been taught that GOOD means being likeable . you pay attention to what makes you pleasant. palatable. well-received. you read facial expressions. you monitor how people experience you. and then contort yourself accordingly.
becoming diabolical means becoming authentic.
not intentionally disliked. but willing to be disliked. willing to follow your own path even if someone thinks you’re selfish, greedy, difficult, or too much. unwilling to organize your life around someone else’s perception of you.
4. self-sacrificing vs. well resourced
we’ve been taught that GOOD means being self sacrificing .be considerate.don’t leave anybody out.don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. prioritize everybody else. manage everyone else’s discomfort. give more than you receive. don’t want too much.don’t take too much.
apparently, you need to be depleted and bleeding to maintain your membership in the good girl club.
becoming diabolical means becoming well-resourced.
allowing yourself to want things.receiving. having needs and being okay with having them.accumulating the resources required to support you and the size of your dreams. not bleeding yourself dry to make the world a better place.
5. small vs. seen.
we’ve been taught that GOOD means being small. don’t be too loud. too visible. too opinionated.too ambitious. don’t be too big for your britches.don’t take up too much space.
becoming diabolical means becoming seen. taking up space.claiming your seat at the table. saying the thing. letting yourself be visible. claiming space without feeling like you first need to earn the right to occupy it.
6. chosen vs. powerful
we’ve been taught that GOOD means being chosen. so we wait for somebody else to validate us. pick us. give us permission. determine our results.it’s the ultimate outsourcing of our power. and when someone else holds the power, of course we start to feel helpless.
becoming diabolical means becoming powerful.you’re not sitting around hoping you eventually get what you want. you know you have the ability to create what you want. you know where to put your time and energy to move results forward. when there’s a problem, you focus your power on creating a solution.
you stop waiting to be chosen. and you start choosing and creating the life you want.
this is why success feels so expensive.
when you try to create a bigger life while still running good girl OS… it feels too expensive.
more clients? means more people to please.
more visibility? means more perceptions to manage.
more money? means more hustle. more work. more sacrifice.
more enjoyment? means more guilt that you’re somehow receiving more than your fair share.
of course you keep talking yourself out of wanting more. that version of more sounds fucking exhausting.
if you pursue more while continuing to operate from obedience, agreeableness, likability, self-sacrifice, smallness, and waiting to be chosen...
more really is expensive. you aren’t imagining it.
under good girl OS, success will cost you.but that’s not the only operating system available.
the diabolical OS changes the economics of more.
when you become diabolical you are challenging. honest. authentic. well-resourced. seen. powerful. and suddenly, the equation changes.
more visibility doesn’t have to mean becoming hypervigilant about everyone’s opinion of you. you can be seen without constantly managing other people’s perceptions.
more income doesn’t have to mean depletion.
more success doesn’t have to mean packing your schedule until you can’t function. because you’re no longer creating success through self-sacrifice. more success can actually mean more resources to support you.
and doing work you’re passionate about doesn’t have to mean being broke. because you’re no longer waiting around hoping somebody chooses you.you’re learning how to access your own power.you’re becoming the source of your own income. you’re creating work you enjoy and learning how to make money from it.
this is why i don’t think you need to become better at talking yourself out of your desires.
because that thing you can’t stop thinking about?
that idea you keep putting off?
that level of impact you know you’re capable of?
that life you occasionally see reflected back to you through somebody else and think...
i want that.
the answer isn’t to make yourself stop wanting it.
because leaving all of that potential sitting there, untapped, will ultimately come at a higher cost than following the pull toward something more.
the real answer is to dismantle the operating system that makes more so expensive. and become a little more diabolical
become a diabolical force for good.
on thursday, september 3rd at 11am eastern, i’m teaching a live masterclass called becoming a diabolical force for good.
we’re going deeper into how to dismantle your good girl operating system and pursue your something more without ending up burnt out, busy, or broke.
my goal? to help you pursue your something more without becoming less.