There’s a version of a message I get quite often.
It goes like this:
“Wow, I love what you’re doing. It must be amazing to have that kind of freedom. I wish I could travel the world and run my own business, but I can’t because…
I have kids.
I have loans to pay back.
I have a dog.
They’re always polite. Always well-meaning.
Always coated in a soft, wistful kind of “must be nice” energy.
And sometimes when I’m feeling feisty, I respond with a dose of brutal honesty.
“You can have your results or your excuses. You can’t have both.”
OR
“If you argue for your limitations you get to keep them.”
So why do I do this brutal honesty…? Because I am not available to indulge people lying to themselves.
It’s not external circumstance. It’s internal unwillingness
People love to tell themselves they can’t do something because of some external situation.
Because of their family, their relationship, their finances, their student loans.
But most of the time, the truth is this:
You’re not stuck because of external circumstances. You’re just un willing.
Unwilling to take a risk.
Unwilling to experience vulnerability.
Unwilling to deal with unfamiliar discomfort (because there’s no such thing as a life without discomfort).
And look — it’s okay to be unwilling.
But it’s not useful to lie to yourself about it.
How This Showed Up in My Own Life
I don’t say this from a pedestal. I’ve been there.
Years ago, I was in med school — already matched, already on the “successful” path.
And I remember this moment, on a road trip with my boyfriend at the time, sharing some podcast that really resonated with me.
He listened and said:
“I think you missed your calling.”
He was essentially saying- I can see you are so passionate about these things. It seems like something you would be really good at, but since you already did the med school thing, you missed your chance to pursue that path.
And I agreed with him.
Because I genuinely thought it was too late to choose something else.
I believed the story I had told myself:
“I already chose medicine. I already invested. I can’t undo that now.”
What I was really saying — without realizing it — was:
“I’m unwilling to disappoint people.”
“I’m unwilling to let my identity unravel.”
“I’m unwilling to be seen as someone who doesn’t have it all figured out.”
It was never circumstance.
It was unwillingness.
What is an excuse?
Definition wise… an excuse is a reason given to deflect responsibility or blame.
Which is exactly what is happening. We make excuses to avoid taking responsibility for our life.
To me, it’s never clearer how fictional excuses are- than when two different people give an opposite circumstance as the excuse for why they can’t do the same thing.
For example:
“I can’t start a business because I’m single and can’t take that kind of risk when I don’t have someone else’s income to fall back on.
“I can’t start a business because I’m married and need to consider my partner.”
Okay. But those are opposite circumstances… and both are used to justify the same inaction.
Which means it’s not the circumstance.
It’s you.
Excuses help you avoid the discomfort of taking on true responsibility.
What Most People Are Really Saying
When someone says:
“I’d love to do what you do, but I have kids.”
What they really mean is:
“I’m not willing to restructure my life, ask for support, or make sacrifices.”
That’s fair. That’s allowed. But let’s not pretend it’s out of your hands.
Or:
“I’d love to travel more, but I don’t have time.”
Translation:
“I’m not willing to say no to my current obligations in order to say yes to something new.”
Again — fair.
But if you keep pretending that your life is happening to you instead of being shaped by you, you’re never going to experience the kind of freedom you keep longing for.
It’s Not Geography. It’s You.
I see this with my nomad friends too.
Fully remote, financially independent, able to be anywhere…
But still telling themselves they “can’t date seriously” because of geography.
But if you can go anywhere… then why not stay?
Why not change your plans?
Because the truth isn’t that you can’t.
It’s that you are unwilling
You are unwilling to change your itinerary for someone you just met.
You are unwilling to commit.
You are unwilling to look at the internal patterns that prevent you from having a relationship.
You are unwilling to admit you actually don’t really want a relationship.
Or you are unwilling to have the hard conversation of: I don’t like you enough to stick around.
That’s all super fair. None of those are fun.
But let’s call it what it is.
You’re not being held back by “geography”.
You’re being held back by your unwillingness to confront and break patterns.
Brutal Self-Honesty: The Gateway to Freedom
When I say “brutal honesty,” I don’t mean you are directing brutality at yourself. Because that’s not the vibe. I want you to be super kind and compassionate towards yourself- while telling truths that may feel brutal initially.
Brutal honesty is being willing to look yourself in the eye and say:
“This is what I want. This is what I’m afraid of. This is the real thing keeping me from it”
Even if it’s messy. Even if it hurts.
Because when you tell yourself the truth. Even when it’s painful. Something magical happens:
Your body relaxes. You stop feeling helpless and trapped.
You realize that you have far more power than you’ve been giving yourself credit for.
Freedom Has a Price — But It’s Not What You Think
Everyone wants freedom.
Few people want the trade-offs that come with it.
Because freedom isn’t free.
It costs:
Your approval addiction
Your victim story
Your safe, familiar version of yourself
You don’t get freedom without owning your life.
You don’t get results while clinging to your excuses.
You can either have your results or your reasons. Not both.
So What Did I Stop Doing?
Seven years ago, I stopped outsourcing responsibility for my life.
I stopped saying “I can’t” when the truth was “I won’t.”
I stopped pretending any external circumstance was preventing me from having the results I wanted.
And I started telling myself the truth — even when it was inconvenient, painful, or embarrassing.
That’s the real reason I’m “living the dream.”
The stars will never align…
So if you keep putting of your dreams hoping one day the stars align to. We need to get clear on something right now…
That will never occur.
The stars will never align for you to get what you want.
It’s never going to be convenient.
There’s always going to be an external circumstance or obstacle to overcome. There will never be a moment where a Moses comes and parts the Red Sea for you- clearing the way for you to walk towards the life you want.
That will never occur.
You have to align your own stars. You have to part your own Red Sea.
That’s how you regain your power. That’s how you build freedom.
So my love… if you’re honest — really honest — what’s the thing you keep calling a limitation… that actually just represents some form of unwillingness.
Because the moment you name it… is the moment you reclaim your power.
Choose the dream.
Or choose the excuse.
But own it either way.
