We’ve all felt it.
That pull toward something more…
More freedom. More creativity. More slowness.
But just as quickly as the desire rises, so does the inner gremlin that whispers:
“That’s selfish.”
“You should just be grateful for what you have.”
And then in response, we shrink. We sidestep our deepest callings in favor of what’s expected—what feels safer. What won’t disrupt our current status quo.
There’s this crazy mad idea that trips us up. The idea is…
Following your desires is selfish.
But that idea is a lie, and in this post we will disprove it (through my own lived experience).
The Root of the Lie
This lie that “following your desires is selfish” Is deeply rooted in cultural conditioning—especially for women.
Many of us were raised with some version of Good Girl Conditioning.
Don’t take up too much space.
Be accommodating.
Keep everyone else comfortable—even if you’re not.
Be useful. Be helpful. Be nice.
For the good girl, desire becomes self-indulgent, dangerous even. We don’t trust it. We suppress it. Sometimes we even vilify it.
Even when the desire involves creating something meaningful and beneficial to others—we hesitate. We hold back. We tiptoe.
Human Givers vs. Human Beings
In the book Burnout by the Nagoski sisters, they reference a societal structure where people fall into two categories: human beings and human givers.
Human Beings are encouraged to fully express themselves—to lead, to create, to be.
Human Givers exist to support the Beings. To give endlessly. To stay quiet, helpful, and in the background.
In our society, most women are raised to be Human Givers, which leads to Human Giver Syndrome.
Another version of Good Girl conditioning.
Whatever you call it, the result is the same. We don’t want to be perceived as selfish, so we distrust our desires.
What If Your Desires Are Divine?
Here’s what I want you to really feel into:
What if your desires aren’t dangerous. What if your desires are divine?
You can trust the goodness of your desires.
You can trust the goodness of your own heart.
When you follow those nudges of desire—to start a business, to travel, to write, to take time for yourself, it creates a ripple effect of goodness.
I’ve personally experienced the ripple effect of goodness that has been set in motion through following my own desires.
✨ A surgeon who was carrying the weight of a bad patient outcome for decades, finally forgave herself and launched a new business.
✨ A family medicine doctor who learned how to love herself again.
✨ An Eastern European doctor who cried through the entire welcoming call of a program and was afraid to speak English- just landed her absolute dream job.
✨ A physician from NY who was having suicidal thoughts because he felt trapped in his medical career- read my book and finally saw hope and possibility for himself.
(I share more moments and go into more details in the video- so press play if you want to hear more!)
All of these moments unfolded because 6 years ago, I gave myself permission to follow my desires.
It turns out, listening to your heart and doing the thing you WANT to do is not at all selfish. It’s sacred.
There are people waiting for you to say YES to your desires
If you have a desire… it’s because someone else wants to experience the result of that desire.
If you have a desire to start a restaurant. It’s because someone out there has a desire to experience your food.
If you have a desire to write a book. It’s because someone out there has a desire to read it.
They may not know it yet.
They may never say it out loud.
But their soul is already waiting.
There are people who need your story, your healing, your art, your voice, your offering—but they can only receive it once you say yes.
They don’t know they’re waiting.
But they are.
And what if you are the sign they’ve been asking for?
Every time you say yes to your desires, you send out a ripple effect of goodness into the world.
It’s not selfish. Because there is no such thing as selfishness.
We are all one. Anything that serves and supports you, benefits the collective.
It’s time to stop letting guilt write your story.
Stop watering down your longings.
Stop deprioritizing your desires.
You are allowed to say yes to your desires.
You can trust the goodness of your desires.
You can trust the goodness of your heart.
Reflection Prompt
What’s one desire you haven’t acted on yet because it feels “selfish”?
Comment below—I’d love to witness it with you.
