There is a very specific kind of frustration that happens when you know you can help someone… and they’re just not getting it.
You’re sitting there explaining what you do. You’re trying to articulate it. You’re thinking, This is literally what I help people with.
And somehow it’s not landing.
It almost feels like there’s a language barrier.
You’re listening to someone describe their situation and thinking, Yes. Yes. I can help you with that. But by the end of the conversation they hit you with a “I need to think about it.”
And you’re left with this feeling of wanting to bang your head against a wall.
Because you know you can help them.
So why aren’t they understanding that?
That’s what we’re diving into today: the communication gaps that create this special kind of frustration.
And we are doing it from the lens of my longest running streak of “no’s” on a discovery call. Where I felt this frustration exponentially.
my list of rejections from 2021
A few days ago I found an old Google Doc.
It was notes I had taken from my very first coaching call when I hired a one-to-one business coach in September of 2021.
The top of the document looked like this:
Basically I had just gone through a series of discovery calls that all ended in no.
And it was incredibly frustrating.
I remember thinking:
What am I doing wrong?
What is missing?
Why are people saying no when I know I can help them?
At the same time, there was something else happening in the business landscape.
This was right when Instagram Reels started taking off.
Before that, Instagram was different. You could post a photo with a caption and it would perform fine. But suddenly the platform shifted and it became clear: if you wanted engagement, you had to start using Reels.
My engagement was dropping. My old content strategies weren’t working the same way anymore.
And I started questioning everything.
Were my ideal clients even seeing my content anymore?
Was I putting energy in the wrong place?
Was my marketing even working?
So I was feeling pressure on multiple fronts.
On one hand, discovery calls were ending in no.
On the other hand, it felt like I wasn’t even getting as many opportunities in the first place.
Every opportunity started to feel more precious, which made the pressure even higher.
The Frustration of Miscommunication
Looking back at that document now, I can see how frustrated I was.
In my notes I had literally written something like:
“Hello, you’re unhappy. I can help you. Let me help you.”
If you’ve ever felt that, I want to validate it.
That experience is real.
There is something deeply frustrating about feeling like you are saying something clearly and the other person just isn’t receiving it.
Why aren’t you understanding me?
Why don’t you get what I’m trying to say?
It can even trigger deeper emotional stuff.
For me, it brought up some inner child stuff. The “misunderstood wound” I had encoded from my childhood. The wound of “people don’t get me”, and “I’m not listened to”.
Those feelings are real. They need to be felt and processed (separately).
And at the same time, as a business owner it is your job to learn how to clearly communicate the value of your work. Its your job to speak in the language of your client and customer.
If people consistently don’t understand how you can help them, that’s a communication problem, and it’s yours to own and work on.
So instead of staying stuck in the frustration, the real question becomes:
Where are the communication gaps?
Communication Gap #1: Selling the Result Instead of Solving the Problem
Client #1
This person found my content and it was really resonating with her. She said things like:
“It sounds like you’re speaking directly to me.”
She wanted the result of pivoting out of medicine and creating a more fulfilling career.
We had a great discovery call. Lots of rapport. It even felt like we had a friendship-type connection. But ultimately she decided not to work with me.
She decided that her way to pivot out of medicine was to buy back her time by investing in real estate. And when I look back at that situation now, the communication gap becomes very clear.
Don’t sell the result. Solve the problem.
I was selling the result. But I wasn’t solving the problem.
I was talking about the outcome: pivoting out of medicine and finding a more fulfilling career.
And she was thinking, Yes, that’s what I want.
But the real question is:
What is preventing her from getting that result right now?
That obstacle is the problem.
From her perspective, the obstacle seemed to be money.
If the problem is: don’t have a way to make money outside of this job.
The solution becomes: “find a way to replace my income.
To achieve the result “so I can leave medicine.”
Ipso facto… Real estate investing became her solution.
If that’s the problem she’s solving, then of course she doesn’t need coaching. I can’t help her become a real estate mogul.
That’s where my messaging was off.
I wasn’t positioning my program as the solution to a clear problem.
For example, if her problem was overwhelm. The idea of pivoting made her overwhelmed and she didn’t know where to start.
Then the solution becomes clear:
I help you create a plan so you can make the transition.
If the problem was income replacement, the solution might be helping someone create a bridge strategy so they can step away from clinical work safely.
But the key point is this:
People may want the result you are selling, but if you aren’t solving a problem, people don’t understand how you can help them achieve the result.
fear is not the problem:
There’s another interesting nuance here.
Sometimes coaches think the problem they are solving is fear. It’s not.
Fear cannot be the central problem you position your program around.
Why?
Because people avoid fear.
If your messaging essentially says, “Fear is the thing standing in your way. I’ll help you work through fear so you can have what you want. “
People will treat your program the way they treat fear.
They will avoid it at all costs.
Fear is not a problem you want to solve. Trust me.
Communication Gap #2: Too Many Variables in the Conversation
The second communication gap that showed up in that client situation: There were too many variables in the conversation.
When you’re trying to help someone make a big life transition, there are a lot of things you could talk about:
Mindset
Identity
Emotions
Practical steps
Career strategy
But if you try to talk about all of those things in one conversation, it becomes confusing. The focus gets diluted.
The person doesn’t know what the conversation is actually about anymore.And confusion almost always leads to inaction. That’s why clarity matters so much.
You need one singular focus. One primary problem that frames the conversation.
There can be other related problems, but they all need to sit underneath that main one.
For example, in my business right now, the core problem I help people solve is:
You’re struggling to get people to pay you.
Everything else sits underneath that.
Marketing challenges.
Sales discomfort.
Inconsistent business habits.
Those are sub-problems. But the core issue is clear.
When your messaging has that level of focus, there is less risk of communication gaps.
Communication Gap #3: Speaking to Pain Points Instead of Problems
Client #2
This client told me she wanted coaching to “help her decide whether she should transition out of medicine.”
During the call she seemed interested. She said yes initially.
But then also said she needed time to think about it.
Later she emailed saying personal obligations had come up and she couldn’t pursue the transition right now.
Situations like that can happen for many reasons.
But notice what she came to me for:
“help deciding”.
She was indecisive and trying to make a decision.
Are we surprised she couldn’t make a decision to work with me?
My messaging during that time was speaking to the pain point of indecision, so of course that’s how the conversations were going.
Pain points vs problems
This is part of a bigger pattern I see happening.
Speaking to pain points, not problems.
A pain point is basically a description of everything that sucks about someone’s current situation.
When I was doing career coaching, those pain points looked like this:
Short patient visits.
Endless charting.
Clinic inbox overwhelm.
Feeling exhausted.
All of that is real.
But those are just complaints about the current situation. Its important for me to understand them, but not focus on them.
A problem: is the obstacle standing between someone and the result they want.
There is directionality to it. Because it represents the thing that needs to be removed for them to have what they want.
For example:
“I don’t know how to leave medicine without going broke.”
The problem: don’t have a source of income outside of this current job.
The solution: find a source of income.
When your messaging only focuses on pain points, people feel seen. They feel understood.
But they don’t necessarily see how you help them change anything.
Which means they’re less likely to take action.
Communication Gap #4: Not Speaking to the Most Salient Problem
The fourth gap is a bit more complex, but let’s try to explain it.
Not speaking to the most salient problem based on where someone is in their journey.
What do I mean by that?
Every transformation has stages. Think about career change as an example.
Stages could be:
In a job I don’t like
actively seeking a new job
interviewing for new job
starting new job.
Someone who is still in their job, but hasn’t started a job search yet might be asking:
Should I quit?
Or:
How do I leave without going broke?
Someone who has already given their notice has a completely different problem:
What am I going to do next?
These are different stages within the same overall journey.
And each stage has its own most pressing problem.
If your messaging doesn’t match the problem that feels most urgent for that person’s current situation, it won’t land.
The Key to Making Your Offer an Obvious Yes
Looking back now, what I see is that those discovery call rejections weren’t random.
They were the result of communication gaps.
And the good news is that communication is a skill you can learn.
If you want your offer to become an obvious yes for the right people, you need to clearly communicate three things:
The problem your client is trying to solve.
The solution you provide.
And the result that solution creates.
That’s it.
Problem.
Solution.
Result.
Most people skip the first step.
They sell the result without clearly addressing the problem.
Or they talk about pain points instead of real obstacles.
Or they try to solve too many things at once.
When you close those communication gaps, something powerful happens.
People understand how you help them.
They see why your offer matters.
And the conversations that once felt frustrating suddenly start turning into yes.
Because instead of thinking, “I need to think about it,” they’re thinking:
“This is exactly what I need.”
If you want my support in building and launching your offer, Create Your Six Figure Offer is the space for you. Learn more
